Gemma the jungle thick chick...

In today's Sun television common, the brilliant Ally Ross writes of former Hollyoaks star Gemma Atkinson's appearance on I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here!: "[Her] last act in camp was taking part in that maths test. 'Forty-seven minus 20 is...(long pause) ...17.' So not only is she traumatically boring, we've discovered she's thick as well."

Just to confirm Ally's diagnosis, Gemma gave an interview to the Daily Star in which she said she feared that her breasts would disappear because she had lost a stone while in the jungle. Er, Gemma, love, your breasts are fake - you have implants. They are not going to shrink no matter how much weight you lose...

From the funniest TV critic in Britain

RICHARD MADELEY misunderstanding of the month.

Subject: Celebrity Wife Swap.

Vanessa Feltz: "Debbie McGee's got a plastic pig in the fridge that goes 'Oink oink oink, you fatty. Don't eat anything'."

RM: "She got that just for you?"

Feltz: "NO. In her OWN fridge."

Though she needn't dismiss the idea.