Vicky's Going to Hollywood

So the Beckhams are off to Tinseltown and he is to play for LA Galaxy while she peruses the midfield that is Melrose Avenue.

In today's Daily Mirror Karen Yallop, the wife of team captain Frank gives her views on her husband's new teammate's wife. I think Mrs Yallop doesn't know anything about Mrs Beckham.

Mrs Yallop says: "The players' wives are all lovely. There's no bitching, no cliques, no competing about clothes or fame or anything like that."

Victoria famously kept herself separate from the other Wags during the 2006 World Cup, socialising only with Cheryl Tweedy who was nicknamed Mini-Me as a consequence.

"When I lived in the UK, I worried about what I'd wear to Frank's game on Saturday.
It's not like that here. The wives turn up in jeans and trainers. We chat about our kids, the game and normal family things. Not designer clothes, hairdos and handbags."

I doubt in recent years that Victoria has ever worn a regular, non-designer, pair of jeans.

"Our husbands are away a lot - it's not like in England where an away game is a two-hour drive away. Here it can mean a very long flight. So the wives all get together to watch the games on TV while the children play. I often put on functions - it's a happy ship."

See point one about Victoria's social habits.

"If she is like me, it'll be the small things she'll miss from home. Cadbury's chocolate is the main thing for me - over here chocolate is much more grainy and sugary."

Chocolate, Victoria Beckham, same sentence? Unlikely.

"Frank misses his HP Sauce but his parents send that. So although I can't compete with Victoria's famous friends like Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise, and can't talk about my couture clothes, if she ever fancies bangers and mash with Heinz beans and brown sauce, she's very welcome."

Please, Mrs Yallop, don't hold your breath. I can't ever see the super skinny Vicky tucking into bangers and mash.

"The football scene over here is very different. They sing but they don't chant rude songs like they do in England so Victoria needn't worry."

Phew, no more chants of "Posh Spice takes it up the arse" to contend with.

"The wives don't discuss money though, we're not impressed by flashiness. We just talk about our lives."

Asking Vicky B not to discuss money might be difficult although she does love talking about her life.

"If she ever wants Heinz beans on toast and PG Tips tea, my door's always open."

Hmm, don't think so...

Despite the money, I don't think the Beckhams know what they have let themselves in for. This is going to be fun.